Leave the pastries, take the orange juice

Sometimes I feel like I live in a giant Sam’s Club, and I’m just walking the aisles sampling the pizza bites and fruit snacks. I’m guided by whim and fancy until I reach the perfect deal. No such thing exists, ladies and gentlemen. I bring a grocery list for a reason: focus. We must keep our eyes on our shopping list and proceed post-haste until we reach the checkout line.

Now, that is not to say that I am focused on the eternal checkout line, but rather I choose to acknowledge that sometimes as we pursue a goal we have to make decisions about the short-term deal in hopes of the long-term benefit.   

As a woman, one of the biggest hurdles is the emotional reaction to a beautiful bag of pastries or the explosive prices of a gallon of orange juice. I could leave without the orange juice, but if I bought the pastries, I would definitely be cheating myself.

Life is bigger than orange juice or pastries, and sometimes we need to remember the bigger picture. Personal preference has to take a backseat to our purpose on the planet. I’ve talked about Deuteronomy 6:5, and that truly is the best I can come up with at this point.

Purpose takes many forms, but there has to be a distinct orientation toward the finish line. I have often been guilty of trying to find the one purpose that will tie my entire life into a nice bow. Realistically, we only see a couple steps ahead at a time. For a planner, this is a nightmare.

Good thing God is bigger than the boogieman.

Like I said before, emotional reactions can often allow us to cheat ourselves of something better (though I must admit, pastries sound pretty good right about now). It’s all about sacrificing the comfort of now for the benefit of the future. As a twenty-something, this is hardly appealing, but I didn’t make the rules.

In Philippians, Paul says he has learned to be content in any circumstance, being filled by things beyond the physical (4:11-13). Sometimes the bravest thing to do is to give up that which you want most for the promise of something better later.

To the Peanut Gallery in Your Head

This one is for the ladies. 

Summer is in full swing, but seasons can't stop feelings or ideas from creeping into our minds. When we are either over-stressed and looking for an escape or bored out of our minds, any avenue for entertainment will usually play into the woman’s desire to be loved and seen.

We watch a movie wherein the heroine conquers the industry, the man, or the mountain. We read books inspiring us to greatness beyond the present or lulling us into a sense of comfort because of shared pain. But as we delve into these processed forms of security we lower our defenses asking to be loved by something.

The lower our defenses, the more likely we are to actually hear from unexpected voices. In his book The Crowd, the Critic, and the Muse, Michael Gungor argues that creators have to choose between the voices and influences of the crowd, critic, or muse. The same argument applies to any human being. External voices of influence push us in various directions, urging us to make decisions based on feelings, experiences, and standards that belong to someone else – another’s voice. As voices come in, our ability to think for ourselves goes out.

The strongest voice, in my experience, has been that of the critic. The “voice is so powerful,” Gungor argues, “because it resonates with the voices of our deepest fears…telling us that we are not good enough. The critics confirm our repressed and terrified suspicions that we don’t measure up, that we are unsafe and unloved.”

Where do we hear these voices? They come from the rebellious heroine in our favorite movie who pushes reason aside to be with the one who holds her identity in the palm of his hand. They come from the song about being free to be yourself because no one should tell you what to do, but now you don’t know what you want. They come from the girl sitting next to you in Chemistry who always gets the better grade and makes you feel inferior. They come from you as you walk through the mall thinking “your life would be better if”.

What a lie.

While we let these voices in, hoping they will make us feel better, an entire life is being lived. A screen has become our playground as our fingers dance about the keys instead of through the trickling stream in the park down the street. We have convinced ourselves that growing up means leaving innocence for arrogance.

Our freedom is at stake, but the freedom I’m talking about comes from inside. Instead of intentionally setting aside time to listen to the right voice, we listen to the loudest. Self-deception has wound itself so thick into the minds of hurting women that we rely on the accumulated fog as a constant.

So this week, let’s question the constant: what voices are you hearing and what are they saying?

Week one: Cantaloupe and Salmon Jerky

This past week has been “like drinking from a fire hydrant,” to put it mildly. Theology and technology have been colliding in ways I never considered. I’m sure it will be a while before all this is comfortable, but the questions raised in my mind are leaps and bounds beyond necessary. The phrase “It’s about time!” comes to mind.

As we are introduced to the content of Axis, I’ve resolved to know my stuff. I’m here, so I should be devoted to learning and understanding. If I give it any less than my full attention, would I really be fulfilling my role here and obeying Deuteronomy 6:5? I don’t think so. So, while my questions might aggravate some of our fearless leaders, I’m hoping they forgive me.

Here, I will tackle three of the bigger issues consuming my thoughts: the nature of technology, the use of social media, and the idea of loving something.

To start, one leader posed the question- is technology inherently good or evil? I had always thought of advancements as neutral. Having no souls, how could a hammer or a cell phone make cognitive choices to obey, submit, or follow something? It can’t. Technology does help us perform tasks faster, more efficiently, and in greater quantity, but is that really part of cultivating the garden? Gen 2:15 says, “Then the Lord took [Adam] and put him into the garden of Eden to cultivate it and to keep it” (NASB). The words cultivate and keep mean to work and to guard. In that context, perhaps technology is an example of working toward progress, but must we always do that? I don't have the answer.

The next concept is social media (defined as Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and Google+). I’ve never really been a digital guru, but I can’t quite justify leaving it unexplored. My thoughts have most recently been that we should just leave the screens behind and use entirely traditional forms of communication: writing, talking, print, etc. But that idea is completely reliant upon the assumption that those media are the ultimate methods. In reality, print wasn’t really ‘normal’ until after Gutenberg around 1440, and literacy in America has only been ‘normal’ since around 1890.

A great quote from one of the guys in the office really challenged my thinking: “It’s cheap, but it’s where [students] live.” I need to adjust my thinking to adjust to culture. It’s not about what I like, it’s about meeting people “where they’re at.” I’m still not a huge fan of social media, but I’m opening up to it.  

Finally, I’ve been asking myself what I love. At Axis they say that you are what you love and that your loves show who you are. So what do I love? Being in the Word, building real and lasting relationships, traveling, adventure, learning, cooking, tea, music, and making a home (ironic, huh?). I don’t consider myself possessing an exceptional talent or calling. I’m just trying to use the gifts I recognize to be most useable to God. It’s a slow process, but I’m learning.

It would be easy to say you love something, but when confronted, would you really spend your precious time on it?

People say they love Jesus all the time, but do they really spend time with Him? Do they read His love letter or actually realize the full impact of the Gospel? It is not just good news, it’s great news! Since the beginning of time, He has been reaching out to us, trying to bridge the gap of our imperfections to build a relationship. Who else would be willing to continually forgive us for breaking His heart? I’m not implying that Jesus is us just because He loves us, He is so much more. It’s just important to be fully aware of what we actually love.

This past week has brought many challenges, but I am confident the Lord has brought me here to learn how to really answer these kinds of questions.

But this week has been more than learning. Because of the holiday, we were only in the office three of the five work days. I spent the other two days near Copper Mountain, about two hours from Colorado Springs. A fellow intern works up there and offered to show us around.

My first time on a ski lift at Copper Mountain!
Photo by Luke

After spending a day walking around a yoga festival and hiking around a mountain, we attended a fourth of July party at a local pastor's house. We met some great people and had the chance to practice our three days of Axis content.
That evening we were graciously hosted (very last minute!) by a new friend. He offered us three comfortable beds and made us feel at home. We were sad to leave the next morning, and as we toured a nearby town, we were determined to find a gift that would lightly express our deep gratitude for his hospitality. Seeing a local food cart featuring fruit and jerky, we acquired an unconventional thank you- cantaloupe and salmon jerky. Which, due to the nature of my fantastic new friends led to the following joke:

Q: Why can't the two melons get married tonight?

A: Because they cantaloupe!

I know. I know. My friends are awesome.

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. As the Lord works in me, He is reaching out to do the same in you. May you have the eyes, heart, and humility to see Him work in your life.